NOT buying my fertility clinic another yacht

Ok heads up, people.  News just in this morning:

Cycle cancelled.  Donor overstimmed again on a half dose.  She feels crappy about it, so might be willing to try again (even though she said she didn’t want to, before the cycle began).

My feeling is that I don’t want her having to do this all again out of a feeling of guilt.  I also don’t want to waste my time and hers, (not to mention a whole slew of emotions) waiting until next school holidays, and trying again with no real hope it will have any other outcome.  If the doctor reduces the dose much more she probably won’t stim at all.  Bad luck?  Yep.

So.

I have two kind friends to have some serious conversations with.  DH isn’t ready to stop (I asked again this morning!) so if we want to continue, it realistically means a new donor.  I don’t want to think about going through all that process again just yet, it feels overwhelming.  But, realistically, the wait time is three months in itself, so we do need to get going on the counselling stuff ASAP.

Bright side: saving a shitload of money, which is great because our massive tax bill is due this month and it means we wont have to sell shares or draw on the mortgage to pay it;  I have not one but two beautiful people willing to donate their eggs to me; yesterday I met in person a gorgeous woman I’ve been in online contact with for a year.  I’m not going to break out the champagne just yet, but this is the closest I’ve come to feeling certain I have a surrogate willing to work with me.  [I probably wouldn’t have mentioned this for a while yet, but I figure we all could do with a bit of a cheer up!]

Thus there is the possibility we just crack on with that aspect of things, and try my genetically related embie in her.  In which case we need to get on with the counselling, psychometric testing and lawyer-wrangling ASAP.  First, though, I need to find a doctor/clinic I’m happy to work with.

But right now I need to go and have a jolly good cry.