I am short and prematurely grey, with brown eyes, snub nose and tiny ears, and recently turned 40. I’m smiling more often these days. I’m still loyal, generous, loving, and kind to my friends and this year am focusing on being more of those towards myself. Passionate about gardening, cooking, literacy; I am also taking a course in painting. I’m meditating most days, and making more space in my life for stillness and no-thought. Stalling final prac for dipEd. Much less angry, bitter, twisted, hard, & jealous than I was a year ago. Still have less in common with my girlfriends now they are mothers and their lives revolve around their children, but don’t feel quite as resentful as I did. Less indignant when people make annoying, hurtful or downright stupid comments about my situation, but still secretly roll my eyes. Only cry these days when I go to a new doctor and have to start at the beginning of the whole sad tale of woe. But I’m working on bringing equilibrium to my emotions, increasing my ability to stay unflustered. The more awareness I have, the more peace I experience. And I get to choose that, even if I don’t get to choose to have a child.
If you would like access to the posts, please leave me a message at solopanamahat@gmail.com