Nice try, but no cigar

On to the details: transvaginal ultrasound yesterday (8w6d) showed a disfigured gestational sac, and a small yolk sac – no detectable embryo. I’m thinking it died pretty soon after the previous scan and has since been reabsorbed. [Still, I intend to ask they test the material anyway, I don’t feel I have anything to lose by trying that]. The ultrasound tech I had was lovely, and I am so grateful I had someone who was competent and did not make any stupid comments. She had to show the pics to her superior (in cases like these it is procedure) and he turned out to be the chap who did my HSG last year. DH deals with him a lot on a professional level. He was terribly sorry for us, and even patted my hand (in a very non-patronising way).

The one good thing about the day: we went salvage shopping after the appointment and FINALLY found the second hand louvres we need to complete our garden shed. This search has gone on for at least half a year, if not more, and we despaired of ever sourcing them. They have good solid jarrah frames too, not the cheap arse tinny crap. So that was a small victory.

Also on a positive note, DH managed to wangle my d&c for today, lunchtime, so I don’t have to wait for days agonising over the upcoming event. I’m having it done at our local hospital by our family doctor (don’t panic! He’s a GP but also trained obs & gynae and has been doing this sort of stuff for thirty years – I’m in safe hands) who is coming in especially just to do my case. Obviously DH won’t be doing the anaesthetic, but I think he’ll pop in to see me before I go under, and he’ll come and pick me up again when he’s finished work. And being a public hospital it won’t cost me a cent. Isn’t it ironic that we pay well over two thousand dollars a year for top hospital insurance, but if I had this done at a private hospital it would still cost me almost a thousand bucks all up? Doesn’t make any sense to me at all. Well, I guess it does in a sort of way, because with private you pay to have choices – choice of hospital, doctor, specialists, and a much shorter waiting time etc. With public you get what you’re given, and you may well have to wait ages. I am just lucky that I happen to be getting what I would choose anyway, but that’s the benefit of small country town living.

So it was up early for me (6am) to stuff some food down my neck before nil by mouth came into effect at 6.30. As a result, I’ve dealt with the chicken stock I made yesterday, made a sort of chocolate hedgehog slice (but with semi dried sour cherries and home made quince paste) for a social event tomorrow and done 2 loads of dishes plus had my shower. You can see I am now at a loose end and filling my time by rambling away on here.

I was touched to see so many comments on my previous post, especially many from people who have not commented before. Thank you all for taking the time to come over and lend me your support. It may seem like only a few lines, or even words, but they are very important to me and I am grateful to everyone who says something. Anything. To know that I am not alone, that people can feel my suffering and stand beside me in my grief. This is what gets me through.