Round Three, Round One.

I am now on day four of this cycle, meaning last cycle was a bust.  The drugs are affecting me more and more and the emotional impact created by the high progesterone levels is cracking me up.  I really struggled this last cycle, more so than in a long long time.  This shit is HARD.  I’ve taken femara on day three (yesterday) and I can feel the bloat beginning already.  It is so dispiriting, doing this over and over again to no avail.  This time last year I was pregnant and hoping against hope we would see a heartbeat at the seven week scan for my husband’s birthday.  And maybe if I’d had this progesterone supplementation, we would have.  But we didn’t. And I lost another baby.  And now I can’t get pregnant and it might all be just that little bit too late.  How bitter is this knowledge.

And now we will be getting a beta test for his birthday this year.  Our surrogate has done her first IUI last Friday.  We might be getting a baby after all.  Which would be amazing and brilliant.  But it won’t be in my womb, and that is bittersweet.