I have been thinking of updating you all on my BFF’s pregnancy journey for some time now, but never find the right moment. Since she had her baby today, and I will be probably writing about it a bit from here on in, I think I better fill in some gaps.
When she conceived, her marriage was going through a rough patch. By about 8-10 weeks, they were in marriage counselling, which lasted six months or so. She moved out for a while, housesitting. Then she moved back, but in separate bedrooms. They moved out of the shed they’d been inhabiting for 3 years, and into the almost finished house they’d dreamed and planned and worked on for the same length of time. And the marriage crisis deepened and they spoke of putting the house on the market. She went away again for three weeks in the new year, and when she came back he went away for the same length of time. When he returned, he was pretty adamant that he didn’t want to do any more work on the relationship and it was over for him. At this point her cervix started to shorten a little bit and she went into hospital on bed rest. She was about 28 weeks pregnant.
A week passed and she tested positive for gestational diabetes. She stayed in hospital for monitoring, but also because given her marital and home situation was so shit, and she’d not get much support there, it seemed like a better option. I visited her once or twice a week for about six weeks. She was putting plans in place to apply for a single monther’s pension, and get rent assistance. They’d agreed that it was better if he stayed in the house, with the dog, and finished it so they could sell (he’s a builder) and she rented somewhere with the baby, with help from the Government. During week 5 she discovered her husband had been having an affair. When was he going to tell her? “After the baby was born”. Nice. All through therapy he’d insisted there was nothing to add, nothing he was keeping from her, no other woman, just not interested in her any more. This was patently untrue. She did a lot of hard work on that marriage, with no hope of saving it because he had a very good reason he didn’t want it to be saved. He just didn’t bother to fill her in. And it gets better. He’s knocked the girlfriend up. She’s three months behind BFF. Very nice work.
Anyway, BFF is doing remarkably well not to let bitterness and anger dwell in her heart. She wanted him to be present at their baby’s birth, and to be part of the boy’s life, but I think she really has let go of their relationship, and more sadly for her, their friendship. That level of breach of trust can’t be repaired.
Last Tuesday I text her to say I’m coming in for a visit, and she texts back saying she’s not there- she’s been emergency airlifted to Perth overnight, and is in the major obstetric hospital, being monitored for early labour. They give her a shot of whatever they give you these days to try and stop it, and a steroid boost for the baby’s lungs and then she just has to sit tight and wait it out. We speak twice in the week. I mean to get in touch over the weekend but am incredibly busy in the yard. I text this morning to say I’ll call her after my pump class, but get no reply. That may have been because at exactly that moment she was giving birth. Today, at 35 weeks 3days, her little boy was born- alive and healthy. What a relief! It has been quite a dramatic pregnancy and I have been anxious at every turn. Now we can all breathe out and relax.
I am so happy for her, that she has reached motherhood, after such a traumatic journey. I am sad that she doesn’t have a wonderful, supporting and loving relationship, or a house of her own,- that she’d dreamed of for so long- in which to bring up the child. I am also sad for myself, because now our relationship will change, it will morph into that of snatched and interrupted moments between meeting the child’s needs, for at least the next four or five years. I don’t care if I sound selfish, I do resent the intrusion of small children into my close female relationships, and that’s how it is. It isn’t the end of the world, I’m not going to get teenage angst-y and sulk on it, nor will I make a deal of it to her and compete for attention. But the reality of the child will be there, every moment, for the best part of a year, whenever we spend time together, and like it or not, this will change things.
Meanwhile, I am going to endeavour to approach the new relationship with as much love in my heart as possible, and welcome the boy into my life. I hope I like him.
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